Your bum is better than Venus’s arse

I dwell upon it constantly

Two rounded hillocks of real class

Make other beauties sigh “Alas

Would I could see that arse on me!”

You search the Mendips and South Downs

For similar swelling curvature

But likely candidates bring frowns

Her hippy bottom’s beauty crowns

All worldwide bums and must endure. 

As perfect as an air from Tosca

Her arse wins the Bottoms Oscar