A love in verse


Performed by

Your bum is better than Venus’s arse

I dwell upon it constantly

Two rounded hillocks of real class

Make other beauties sigh “Alas

Would I could see that arse on me!”

You search the Mendips and South Downs

For similar swelling curvature

But likely candidates bring frowns

Her hippy bottom’s beauty crowns

All worldwide bums and must endure. 

As perfect as an air from Tosca

Her arse wins the Bottoms Oscar


Love’s Pride

The jobs, the seasons, come and go;

It’s sunny, raining, years go by.

You do not age and seem to grow...

The Queen of Brentford

Has anybody seen the Queen of Brentford?

She goes by foot… she goes by bus

She no longer has her chariot...